He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
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