Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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