yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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