My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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