We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize