i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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