dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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