i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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