super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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