Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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