I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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