I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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