so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize