I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize