I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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