I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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