I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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