It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize