I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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