I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize