hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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