so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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