dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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