im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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