Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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