you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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