good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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