If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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