ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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