im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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