How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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