I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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