You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
COCAINE IS GR8
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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