just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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