someone owes me an orgasm
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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