I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize