Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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