just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found the puke drawer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize