Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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