Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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