I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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