i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize