Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize