he puts the penis in happiness.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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