the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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