Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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