Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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