You smell like a Billy Joel song
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize