zippers are such a cool invention
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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