I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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